Q & A 

A. If you have been invited to attend a Din Torah, it is mandated by Halacha that you appear and defend yourself. This requirement is because only a third party can objectively determine the claim that you have wronged your fellow and decide whether you are required to make amends. [Though cognitive biases can be beneficial in certain fields such as business, finance, and management, they, unfortunately, hinder objective analysis of interpersonal dissonance.]

Having to appear before a Beis Din shouldn't be a source of anxiety for you, especially if you've only shown kindness towards this individual. If you have acted within your rights, the Beis Din will rule in your favour. On the other hand, even if until now you have done nothing wrong, refusing a Din Torah request is in itself a violation of Halacha. 

A Din Torah is the only Halachicly acceptable forum to absolve oneself of gossip.

A. Unless both the claimant and respondent belong to the same constituency (i.e. they live in the same area where a Beis Din Kavuah (a democratically elected Beis Din - Responsa Igros Moshe Ch"M 2:3) has jurisdiction), the respondent can reply that he prefers a different Beis Din. If his suggested alternative is within reason, the Beis Din issuing the Hazmono will instruct the claimant to either accept the alternative or opt for a Zablo (which is an arrangement where each party chooses one arbitrator, and the two arbitrators choose a third). A well-known self-appointed Beis Din is no more authoritative than one that is less well-known. Most Batei Din today (if not all) are self-appointed and cannot claim exclusive jurisdiction. 

You will sometimes see a Beis Din refer to itself as "recognised" or it will assert this qualification as a prerequisite to arbitrate. For example, The Federation's website states: "A Din Torah is a hearing of a dispute in front of a recognised Beis Din (Jewish court), in accordance with Jewish law." More accurately described, however, a Din Torah is a hearing of a dispute in front of three (3) individuals who profess knowledge of Halacha and are agreeable to conduct the hearing accordingly (cf. Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 3:1).

A. If the two arbitrators cannot agree on a third and both parties reside in the same locale, the original local Beis Din maintains the authority to arbitrate (cf. Ramo Choshen Mishpat 13:1 and Shu"t Ramo 104), in line with the principle of "Nizkokin Latoiveya Tchilo" (Bobo Kama 46b, "We attend to the claimant first." cf. Choshen Mishpat 24) and "Eved Loiveh L'Ish Malveh" (Misheli 22,7, "the borrower is a slave to the lender" cf. Shu"t Ramo 104). If the parties reside in different locales, the arbitration takes place in the respondent's locale (Ramo Choshen Mishpat 14:1). Accordingly, for convenience purposes, the second Beis Din might be asked to arbitrate. 

If the two chosen arbitrators cannot sit on the same panel (e.g., they are related), the respondent has the upper hand, and the claimant would have to select a substitute (cf. Shu"t Ramo 104).

A. Since you are not the one initiating secular court proceedings, you don't have to request Halachic permission to defend yourself in court. 

However, if you inform the claimant of his Halachic requirement to attend Beis Din instead, he might accept the invitation and cancel his claim in secular court. Also, if he ignores you and the Beis Din then accords you a Heter Arko'os (Halachic permission to take the matter to court), you would be entitled, halachicly, to the costs component awarded by the Court should you win.

A. As I'm sure you can appreciate, there aren't two Halachic systems, one for ordinary people and another for the elites. Attending Beis Din is a Mitzva, and it should be done with alacrity, not hesitation. If you will be away on the proposed hearing date, you should inform the Beis Din that you would agree to attend Beis Din at a different time.

[The individual rabbis with whom you have spoken might be unqualified in this area or, worse, they could be biased towards you. This is why rabbis of Synagogues generally do not involve themselves with Dinei Torah. A pulpit rabbi must be friendly and supportive of his congregants and financial supporters, which could on occasion impair his ability to offer honest and unbiased advice in matters of dispute.]

If you refuse to defend yourself before Beis Din, the claimant would receive a Heter Arko'os (Halachic permission to take the matter to court), and you could end up wasting a lot more time and money defending yourself there.

A. You shouldn't feel bad or guilty for having to request the intervention of the Beis Din to mediate or arbitrate again and again.  It's their raison d'être. And the chances are that the sooner the parties request assistance, the easier it will be to reach an outcome that they will be happy with.

A. A seasoned Dayan will never force you to compromise (see Urim 12:4), nor will he instruct you to run your business differently if you are trading within your Halachic rights. His role as arbitrator is to determine whether, objectively speaking, Halacha mandates a change.

The Dayan might ask you to compromise (cf. Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 12:2), but you would be within your Halachic rights to insist on "Din" (the strict letter of the Law). For more on this, see here.

I understand your frustration. According to the Chasam Sofer, cited by Pischei Teshuva Choshen Mishpat 9:5, if a knowledgeable scholar (Talmid Chochom) is capable of serving as a judge, it is his responsibility to prioritise that duty, even if it means cancelling a Shiur (lesson), and he should not charge any fees to the parties involved. In this case, not only did the Beis Din disregard the halacha you mentioned, but it also compounded the issue by dishonestly informing the claimant that you were unwilling to participate in a Din Torah (religious court proceeding). This action of spreading false information (Moitzi Shem Ra) is a serious transgression. Additionally, by suggesting that the claimant pursue the matter in Arko'os, the Beis Din placed an obstacle before someone who may not have the necessary knowledge or fear of Heaven. [In Judaism, there is a principle known as "Lifnei Iver" which is a Hebrew term that refers to the prohibition of placing a stumbling block before the blind. This concept prohibits intentionally misleading or endangering others, whether it involves leading someone into sin or allowing them to proceed without awareness of potential harm or culpability. The origin comes from the commandment וְלִפְנֵ֣י עִוֵּ֔ר לֹ֥א תִתֵּ֖ן מִכְשֹׁ֑ל וְיָרֵ֥אתָ מֵּאֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ "Before the blind, do not put a stumbling block" (Vayikra 19:14).]

Although this might not be too practical, in technical terms, you could summon the Beis Din to a Din Torah, as no one is exempt from the authority of the Law.

Changing the system will take time. In the meanwhile, try finding a Beis Din that will adjudicate without cost, or consider paying their fees (cf. Bechoros 29a). Litigation is usually a lot more stressful, and costly.

[*Update: The Beis Din was contacted and made aware of the above, and immediately retracted as follows:

Dear ******, 

Please be advised that Hazmana File # 2079 has been cancelled.

Please take note any mention or reference to your being Mesarev Din has been rescinded.]

In order for advice to be considered Halachic, it must be rooted in Jewish Law. However, the guidance provided to your neighbour, unfortunately, is erroneous. When a Beis Din sends a Hazmono, they possess the authority to impose a Nidui (a ban or excommunication) on an individual who refuses to comply with the summons. The purpose of this Nidui is to serve as a punitive measure against the recalcitrant individual for showing disrespect towards the Court.  But the obligation to accept the Hazmono and attend a Din Torah is established when an individual is informed that there is a claim against him and is requested by the claimant to appear before a Beis Din. If the individual refuses to attend, a Heter Arko'os (Halachic permission to take the matter to secular court) document may be issued. For more on this topic, see here.

Nevertheless, you could consider applying for a Hazmono through a Beis Din, albeit it will not guarantee a better result. 

To apply for a Hazmono through Mehadr Beis Din Tribunal, please see here.